Consider this: A Shark Tank proposal from a dairy farmer. 

Dwayne Faber is a writer, speaker and dairy farmer. He and his family operate farms in Oregon. To...

Pack your bags, kids, we are heading to Shark Tank. Daddy's going to be on TV. 

We walk down through the entrance in Carhartt work pants, Georgia Romeo shoes and a Semex hat. It has everyone confused. Mr. Wonderful scowls condescendingly, Barbara puts on a gracious smile. Daymond is shocked that people go out in public looking like this (although he’s thinking Semex sounds like a bit of a trendy and risqué name for a clothing line), and Mark Cuban is looking at a balding, middle-aged white guy while secretly judging how high yours truly can jump.

While fidgeting nervously I mumble the words, “We have invented a machine which converts unwanted food and garbage into food that everyone wants.” Ears perk up in the room, and I become bolder. “We have invented a machine that incinerates lignin, cellulose and hemi-cellulose. It consumes vegetable byproducts that are thrown into landfills by picky vegans for not being the right size, shape or color, which in turn causes massive release of methane." Hisses and boos rain down from the panel at the sheer double standard of those who say they care about the environment while also filling 22% of landfills with food waste.

“These machines have successfully upcycled broccoli, potatoes, carrots, onions, almond hulls, oranges and candy into food that Americans want and crave. Not only that, but the byproduct of our wonderful machine creates fertilizer that can be sold to create more crops to feed more people.” You can hear a pin drop in the room as your fashion-forward host quietly whispers, “And when the machine is near the end of its productive life, you can eat the machine.” Audible gasps are heard; Barbara is fanning herself and Mark is staring forward, mouth agape. 

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The crowd is going wild and losing their collective mind. 

Daymond leans forward and asks, “What is the name of this impressive machine?” Your humble host casually responds, “Oh, it’s a cow.” 

Mark throws his papers on the floor in disgust. Mr. Wonderful responds in a not-so-wonderful way, for their biggest losses on the show, to date, are investments in dairy farms, and they are not interested in the proposal. For your humble host, it’s just as well, 'cause milking time is coming up and it’s time to get to the barn. 

While based on a totally fictional story, this is our story. This is the story of the dairy cow that should be shared from the mountaintops. We, in the dairy industry, are part of the solution. We are sustainable, and we are part of a cycle that converts indigestible and waste food into cheese, ice cream, milk, meat and fertilizer. 

To borrow an analogy, there are three groups in the marketing world – the sinners, the saints and the savables. Our message of sustainability won’t ever be received by the body paint-wearing protestor in Europe who is throwing milk bottles on the grocery store floor. The protestor (the sinner) apparently doesn’t understand basic economics, and that spilled milk in our industry is still referred to as commercial disappearance. 

Our message is already known and understood by the saints. 

Our target market is the savables, or the movable middle. The milk products produced today have never had a lower carbon footprint, have never had a lower water usage and have never been more a part of the food waste solution. We have a product in milk and meat that has been consumed for thousands of years. It’s a product that is natural and not manufactured in a factory. At the end of the day, consumers will wake up to the fact that the alternative chicken strips, burger patty and turkey are all manufactured soy, pressed in different shapes. 

Maybe someday I’ll have the chance to share our message with the Sharks.

'Til next time, keep the cows fed, the teats clean, and take time to enjoy the pasture.