You ever wonder what happens to all the 4-H animals that don’t make it to the show? You know, the animal you’ve dropped thousands of dollars and lots of time into so your kid could be part of the fair.
Moffett tim
Tim’s Stand-up Comedy Special “MILK’N IT!!” is available on YouTube. Go to his website to find li...

The high-maintenance pet steer, pig, goat, rabbit or chicken that takes up more time than the entire 200-cow herd that actually makes you money. Notice I didn’t mention horses. If you have a horse, this is your every day.

In my opinion, a horse is just an overgrown cat. Same attitude, longer legs. Owning a horse is like having a child that lives in your basement until they’re 40 years old and never works a day in their life. But back to the original question. Well, because of all the money already invested in these yard ornaments, you can’t just put them back into general population on the farm. They’ll die on their own. So we send them to freezer camp to be with that cow that kicked you every chance she got. And that is why I’m looking for a new grill.

I’ve grilled on every imaginable kind of grill you can think of: the 55-gallon drum, the old propane tank, a tractor tire rim or even a toilet bowl. I’m older now and wanted to treat myself to something that doesn’t require a weed-burning flamethrower and a flame-retardant NASCAR suit to light.

What happened to plain old grills? Now we have flat grills, dome grills, remote-controlled grills, grills with smokers and deep fryers attached – and even a desktop grill. A desktop grill! I can’t wait to see that on an episode of Dumbest Thing I Ever Did Inside.


Let me tell you some of the features included with a grill I saw online. “A second-level, slide-out shelf.” What? Why do I need a slide-out shelf? Maybe I can store my sweaters up there for the winter. “A ceramic starter.” I have no idea what this is, and I’m pretty sure I don’t even have one of those on my truck. “Stay-cool handles.” OK, I get that. That’s helpful. “A swing-style probe port.” Not a clue, but anything with the word probe in it is hilarious to me.

“Direct-grill grates.” As opposed to the meat not touching the grill? For smoking meat, “a variety of pellet flavors.” I thought that was only true for rabbits. “Automatic pellet dump.” Here again, rabbits. “Dual door thermometers.” What? Why? I know the temperature outside the grill … I’m standing there. Apparently, if you’re dumb enough to pay $8,350 for this grill, they will actually give you an acre of forest to cut your own wood to make pellets. SOLD!!

Check Tim out on YouTube or at Tim the Dairy Farmer.

The unimaginable luxury grill


  • Second-level slide-out shelf
  • Stay-cool handles
  • Grease drain
  • Door counter-weight
  • Digital control system
  • Front and side shelves made from 7/16-inch hard chrome-plated round bar steel
  • Yoder smokers ACS (adaptive control system)
  • Ceramic ignition
  • Custom large orange casters
  • New-style swinging door probe port


  • Fitted cover (+113.00)
  • Two-piece heat diffuser with access door (+169.00)
  • Direct-grill grates (three pieces) (+79.95)
  • Direct-grill grates with tool (+86.99)
  • Thermal insulating jacket (+219.00)
  • Fitted cover (competition cart) (+159.50)
  • Competition cart with stainless steel shelves (+795.00)
  • Door thermometer (+59.95)
  • Dual door thermometers (+119.90)
  • Three-tier wire smoking rack (+259.00)
  • Cast iron griddle (+74.95)
  • Stainless steel front and side shelves (+209.00) 
  • Half-depth second shelf (+69.95)