To explain, that was an “act out” joke, but because you are reading this instead of watching me, it made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Much like everything else I write.
Years ago, I went to visit my brother and his wife. While I was there, they took me out to dinner as a belated birthday gift to me. We went to one of my favorite BBQ joints, and I ate like I wasn’t paying for it. It’s my brother, I reasoned – I’m allowed to take advantage of him when I can. Among the three of us, we ate enough food for a small country. Then the bill came. My brother forgot his wallet, and his wife didn’t bring her purse because she knew my brother would have his wallet.
So I got to pay for everyone’s meal to celebrate my birthday. Needless to say, I enjoyed every minute of it, especially my brother getting blamed for this whole situation being his fault. To keep tradition alive, every time I visit I tell them, “I brought my money if y’all would like to take me out for dinner.”
We all have friends and family we would help any time they need it. It’s a two-way street. Next week, we might need the help. And then we all have that friend or relative who reminds us of Wimpy from Popeye. “I’ll gladly pay you on Tuesday for a hamburger today.” Tuesday never comes. But out of the goodness of our hearts, we still help “Wimpy” out again.
None of us are rich. How do I know this? Because if you’re reading this magazine, you’re probably somehow affiliated in the cattle/dairy/farming industry, and there hasn’t been any money in agriculture since the 1960s. So none of us have a pot of gold.
But just in case the “Wimpys” in your life show up to borrow money, I’ve set up some ground rules for borrowing money. Just remember: I’m not a financial adviser, and you should always consult your banker or, more importantly, your wife before loaning anybody anything. First of all, bail money is not considered loan money, and you definitely will not see the money or your friend again. Unless you visit him in either Mexico or jail.
Never loan money for tattoos or Billy Ray Cyrus tickets. The only time you lend money is when your brother is holding a winning lottery ticket in his hand or when your uncle dies and your aunt shows you the inheritance check.
And this bit of advice I learned from watching Boss Hogg on the Dukes of Hazzard. Never lend money unless they have video proof and you need a character witness for the trial. Remember these words of Bob Hope: “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you prove that you don’t need it.”
Tim is a Florida dairy farmer and comedian. Visit Tim the Dairy Farmer.