We hate to lose money as farmers, but do we understand the costs of losing a valuable employee who works well on our farm and is part of the team?

Young farmers frequently ask me, “Elaine, how do we get the conversation about changes on the farm started?” There is a longing look in their eyes, sometimes tears, as they seek out help to talk to their parents about key issues the farm team knows it needs to address.

A young professor, Marsha Harris from Brandon University, speaks softly to a group of women (mostly over the age of 60) explaining the keys to a truly lasting relationship. She tells us that most people just want their lovers to answer one question: Are you really there for me?

Sometimes we have to go back to the basics in order to keep healthy change happening on our farms. Lately in my transition seminars, I have encouraged frustrated young farmers to write a letter of intent to their founding parents.

“Elaine, Dad just won’t give up control!” is a common frustration with the next generation trying to navigate into management and ownership.

If I were to ask you about the top 10 things that make a great Christmas celebration for you, what would you answer? Most families I work with want to maintain family harmony or get back on track again as “a happy family.” Dr. Nikki Gerrard’s research of farm families found that one of the ways families keep resilient or strong is through celebration.

When I first typed out the title to this article, it was, “How to make your farming father really happy,” but that didn’t sit well because I believe each of us, as an emotionally mature adult, gets to wake up every morning and decide what our mood and responses will be.

I could hear her frustration and feel the pain as I read the lengthy email describing an all-too-common scenario for farm families today. The aging parents have been pressured to be “fair” to the non-farm siblings, who have noticed that farmland values have increased significantly.