Well, it’s the one week out of the year that the Christmas lights on my cousin’s double-wide trailer actually make sense.

I spent a lot of time traveling around this past year, and I need to share some of what I’ve heard and learned along the way.

If you’ve ever had the “soup of the day” at a restaurant, chances are you just ate food that was close to its expiration date. Just like your granny used to, soup is an easy way to use up leftovers.

According to climate alarmists, the world will end in just a few short years. If what they say is true, then why should I continue to pay my mortgage, eat right and visit the dentist? We should all just go on permanent vacation and let the world fall apart around us.

I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for telemarketers my phone would never ring. Apparently, my student loan debt is due, my Amazon account needs attention, I’m part of a class-action law suit that needs my information, and I won a cruise to the Bahamas.

Most of us remember Mr. Whipple telling us, “Don’t squeeze the Charmin.” In recent years, Mr. Whipple has been replaced by a family of blue bears telling us how soft Charmin can be and to “Enjoy the go.”

How many times have you smelled something and immediately went into panic mode? Just like Name That Tune, one whiff or hint of a smell is all you need.