If Santa were a farmer, people might actually believe their food came from somewhere other than the grocery store. Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve been torn. Now, I don’t want to break anyone’s ideas or tell you Santa actually does or doesn’t exist, but what always makes me curious is: Do you think Santa could be a farmer or not?

The Manure Spreader By Judge me if you must. Would you leave your crop half-harvested? Would you leave your field half-mowed? Would you only milk half your cows? No, people. I was not going to leave a pie half-eaten.

I got roped into having a farm tour for my niece’s third-grade class. I’m not complaining about trying to educate these young minds on agriculture. I’m not venting about the “helicopter” moms wiping my entire farm down with Clorox wipes.

I will never understand people’s obsession with costumes. I was invited to a costume party a while back, and when asked what I was going to come as, I replied, “A sexy farmer.” To which, my friend asked me: “Why?”

 Statistics show the average person changes careers five to seven times in a lifetime. I couldn’t find any statistics on how many job titles a farmer has in one day. One particular rough Tuesday, I was a carpenter, plumber, ob-gyn (cow version) and an undertaker.

They say everyone needs a good education. I am educated. My mom home-schooled me, and I graduated when I was 7 years old; she looked at me and said, “Well Tim, that’s everything I know.” An education in farming can come in many forms. A formal education can be bought at many colleges and universities, and many of these schools do offer farming degrees. Generally, these are short courses like a couple semesters or a weekend seminar. Actually, it’s shorter than that. They mail you a pack of seeds, tell you to plant them – even if they don’t grow, you have just graduated into being a farmer.

To most people a dog is the family pet. A dog on a farm is a working dog. That’s why you never see a poodle or a dachshund on a farm. And if you do you see one, it’s not for long. Small dogs tend to “run for their lives” back to town after meeting the barn cats.

Rodeos are a showcase for cowboy abilities. Everyday work on the ranch is put on display, including the new guy they dressed up in a clown suit and put in a barrel for his initiation. However, people are not showing up by the busloads purchasing tickets to see farmers’ abilities.

As a kid, I would see pictures of big, new, shiny tractors in the magazines and remember thinking, “One day, I’ll have one of those.” Now, 40-plus years later, I have the willpower to breeze right over those advertisements – because I could never afford one.

Recently, I entertained for the Tulare County Farm Bureau in the Central Valley area of California. I highly recommend people-watching at LAX airport. These people make fun of us for county fairs?