The dynamic of the family is constantly changing. In my youth, it was common for the mother to stay at home, and the father would have a job to provide for the family. The children would return from school to find mothers waiting for them. It was common for the family to kneel in prayer at bedtime and to have prayer while the family gathered around the table for a family meal. Now, it is common for families to gather around the television or the smartphone and text back and forth. Children often come home to empty houses with empty stomachs and must scavenge the fridge for something to eat. There is a need for families to turn their hearts to each other.
Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse. (Malachi 4:5-6, KJV)
In my time, the Scripture might have been puzzling. Why would the Lord need to turn the hearts of the children to their fathers and fathers to children or He would smite the Earth with some kind of disaster? Today, in our upside-down world, it makes sense. Many parents have abdicated the role of parent to society, the media, the school system – even to foster care. Many children are disobedient and disrespectful to parents and authority. Both parents and children have become entitlement-mongers. “What’s in it for me?” is often the question on the lips of both parties.
There is a great need for hearts to turn in both directions. If there is need, then surely the rest of the Scripture has merit. What kind of a curse is waiting for those who do not turn their hearts?
God is not waiting with bated breath to send down fire and brimstone upon His children. He is more of a loving, patient father who allows natural consequences to take their course. The natural consequences of selfishness and lack of compassion are the gradual deadening of the heart. With a hard heart, it is difficult to be aware of the needs and feelings of others. If your heart is hard, you feel you deserve everything without thinking of the effect on others. Despicable things can be done in the name of entitlement. Violence and lawlessness can become the norm. If not checked, after a while, a society destroys itself from within or becomes prey to conniving people who employ greed to bring others into bondage. What kind of a curse is that? Certainly a devastating one, and God doesn’t even have to do the smiting.
How do we turn hearts? The world has gone far down the road. Have we reached the point of no return? With God, it is never too late to turn around until our lives are frozen in the grip of “I don’t want to change, and I refuse to do it.”
God’s love is infinite and forgiving, but we must do our part. We must overcome the inertia of habit to become new creatures, born again with charity in our hearts. We must want what God wants instead of what we want. We must learn to treat others as we want to be treated. We must overcome every disease that deadens hearts.
The first step to softening our hearts is a heaping dose of “want to.” We will never make changes in ourselves or the world unless we want to. We need to want with all our whole souls to turn our hearts and kneel and ask God to give us the want to. He will do it in His own way.
The second step is to add basketfuls of charity and sprinkle them into your life. Look for ways to serve others. Notice how it makes people feel; notice their struggles and really listen and respond to their needs. There is no better way to soften your heart than to get outside yourself and be sensitive to those around you – suddenly your problems fade into the background and you realize how blessed you are.
There are times in every family situation where charity would be appreciated. Make someone else’s bed. Pick up their clothes from the floor without a thought of, “They are such a slob! I wish they would grow up and learn to be responsible.” Instead, consider why they might be leaving clothes on the floor. Try to understand life from their point of view. Be compassionate when they give excuses. After all, they are probably using the same excuses we give, and we certainly have compassion for ourselves when it comes to excuses.
Another simple way to turn hearts is to be filled with gratitude. It is so easy to be blind to the wonderful blessings we receive daily from God and from those around us. We are busy. We have a to-do list that goes far beyond our daylight hours. We don’t have time to stop and make a list of blessings or to write a thank-you letter or say a heartfelt prayer. We rush on through life saying, “I must. I can’t. I don’t have … or when I get … I will …” Notice every one of those excuses starts with “I.” Maybe we need to check our list the Santa Claus way. You know the song: “Making a list, checking it twice; going to find out who's naughty and nice.” We need to find out what is worthwhile and what is just selfish stuff of getting and keeping.
If we don’t acknowledge the blessings we receive, our hearts become increasingly cold and hard, and we find ourselves in the mode of “Give me more. I want this … and I want that.” Then it turns to “I deserve …”
When I grew up, I loved to listen to the family stories my mother related about my grandparents. As she spoke of the people I had never met, I felt like I knew them. I understood their struggles and joys. I could see clearly how their lives had affected mine. There was a bond and connection to my parents and grandparents. Today, we don’t take time to tell stories. It is a tradition that has been replaced by the media and other time takers. If we want to turn our hearts, we must turn off, unplug and really share. That means listening and telling. It must be face-to-face, eye-contact conversation, not a finger-sliding-on-the-device, 46-way conversation. It needs to be a one-to-one, I-care-about-you conversation. Those kinds of conversations turn hearts as well as minds. Children need to know their progenitors and the history of their people. They will not know them if we don’t take time to get to know them ourselves. We can’t teach what we don’t know.
If we want our children to turn their hearts to us and our parents, we must turn our hearts to them and show them how. We must make our relationship with our children a walk together in the garden of life. We must teach them to smell the roses and avoid the thorns. We must help them see their vital link in the human family chain of ancestors and descendants, and that human chain must continue, or the Earth will truly be smitten with a curse. God will not need to send down fire and brimstone for this kind of desolation. The consequences will follow as night follows the day. If our children are lost in the fog of changing family traditions, values and practices, the next generation will follow. No telling where they will end up. The Lord was not kidding when He commanded us to turn our hearts. He knows that happiness is only found in family relationships where love abounds, and hearts are knit together in bonds of charity from one generation to another.
Someone once said, “Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it.” Our posterity must learn from past generations so they don’t make the same mistakes. They cannot know the past unless we teach them. We must make it a priority to teach them face-to-face, not in cold and cryptic letters of text messages.
