For me, acts of service have always been one of the main ways I show my friends and family I care. It makes me happy to make their lives easier. However, I often struggle to receive it from others. I don’t like feeling vulnerable. I never saw this as an issue until recently, when it was pointed out that in refusing to allow my friends and family to help me when I needed it, I was also denying them the joy of helping me. Not being willing to accept help can also feel isolating.
That give and take is necessary for a healthy, trusting relationship. It is empowering to help others. Whenever I question that, I just watch one of my children help me with a task for the first time. Their smile and the confidence they glean from the experience says it all.
Now, I’m not saying the scale must always stay balanced. This past year, my life was far more demanding than usual and I was not able to give as freely as I had in the past. Initially, I was stressed about it. However, as the weeks and months went by, I saw the joy in my friends’ faces as they came alongside me, reminded me I’m not alone and we forged through our trials together. I saw my kids grow closer with my parents as I leaned heavily on them for support and spent more time with them. In each case, our relationship grew because with that increased vulnerability came increased trust, understanding and a stronger sense of community. Ironically, this now makes me better equipped to help my friends and family in the future, because I know them better.
In honor of May being Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to challenge you to do two things before June 1. First, find a way to do something kind for someone you haven’t helped before or don’t know well. This could be something simple like getting lunch with a neighbor, bringing a meal to someone who is struggling or inviting someone to an event you’re attending. Second, accept help or an invitation from someone you haven’t interacted with much. This one, I fully admit, is much harder to schedule, but I encourage you to say “yes” the next time someone offers to lighten your load or cheer up your day even a little bit.
With our world becoming increasingly digitized, it is essential to take time to foster and grow your village. In fact, in her article “Cultivating efficiency on the farm: A mindset for success,” Maddy Vanderkooy, Washington State University's western regional ag stress assistance program coordinator, lists “connect with others” under her five tips for keeping your energy up to maximize production and efficiency.
Bottom line, find ways to connect with people through organizations you’re part of, events you attend, your community and your work. Build those friendships and remember that you are never alone.
