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Moffett tim
Tim’s Stand-up Comedy Special “MILK’N IT!!” is available on YouTube. Go to his website to find li...

According to climate alarmists, the world will end in just a few short years. If what they say is true, then why should I continue to pay my mortgage, eat right and visit the dentist? We should all just go on permanent vacation and let the world fall apart around us.

Three years ago, a politician said the world would end in 12 years. Nobody can predict exactly what will happen in 12 years! Maybe the Cleveland Browns will win the Super Bowl by then. I’ve never been to a psychic that reads a crystal ball, but I wish they would talk to my local weatherman. My local weather station gets it right about 10% of the time. If they can't predict the weather tomorrow, how can anyone know what it's going to do to us in more than a decade? Plus, what makes politicians think spending government money will change the weather? The only way money can change the weather is by buying a plane ticket to Aruba or making it rain in the club.

Imagine if we all had the ability to predict 20 years into the future. I know I would have borrowed more money for a student loan. And I probably wouldn’t have eaten so many corn dogs. Some of you may not have gotten married for the first or second time. And we all would have already known who shot J.R. on Dallas.

When I was a kid, everyone talked about the hole in the ozone layer, and we were all supposed to cook like frogs under a magnifying glass. Right Guard deodorant in an aerosol can was killing us all back then. There was no more running around the house killing spiders with a lighter and a can of Aqua Net. 


So now, though, the only way to save the planet apparently is by using batteries. I have trouble keeping fresh batteries in my television remote, and yet somehow, the entire world will be running on the Energizer Bunny. I predict jumper cables will be on everyone’s Christmas lists. Not only that, but I’m sure there will be multiple incidents of people licking their car battery like a 9-volt to see if the battery is dead. In states that still have the death penalty, how many AA batteries will it take to run the electric chair? Whatever the number, I’m sure it’s shocking!

God brought the flood and the world still existed. Prince told us to "party like it’s 1999." The Mayans predicted we would all die in 2012. Crazy as all this is, only God knows when the world will end. Until then, we all have to put up with really dumb people!

However, I bet I can predict when the world will definitely end: It will be the exact day after I pay off all my bills, and I finally get my stuff together!