In agriculture, caregiving often feels like an extension of the work ethic ingrained in farm life – steadfast, tireless and rooted in love. But when faced with challenges like a parent’s declining health, a child’s special needs or personal medical battles, the weight of caregiving can feel overwhelming. Studies have shown family stress increases with each health diagnosis.
Jackie Sanford, Heather Lifsey and Becky Heim found that balancing these roles with their responsibilities on the farm and careers required creativity, resilience and a willingness to lean on others. Their journeys reveal not only the struggles of caregiving but also the profound strength it takes to navigate this path.
The weight of caring for a parent: Riding an emotional rollercoaster
After years of questions, Sanford’s mom was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's at age 53. It marked the beginning of a deeply emotional journey for Sanford. She and her husband, Chris, and two young sons have developed Sanford Family Beef in southern Michigan over the last five years alongside their busy careers.
Sanford's experience with her mother highlights the heavy emotional burden many face when they transition from a daughter/son to caregiver.
As she shares, “I had to learn what grief is. It wasn’t just the sadness of losing my mom, but the small things – like not wanting to take down the Christmas tree because it reminded me of her favorite holiday.”
It took a mindset coach to help Sanford understand the grief journey and find ways to cope.
One of the most difficult aspects of caregiving is the emotional ambushes – moments of grief and frustration that come unexpectedly. For Sanford, the key to navigating these emotions was recognizing them as part of the journey.
"Grief ambushes you. You have to ride it out and learn how to take care of yourself. For me, that means letting the tears come,” she explains.
A crucial strategy she employed was to make self-care a priority, despite her hectic schedule. Through regular exercise, including CrossFit at 5 a.m., deep breathing exercises and writing down something good that happened each day, she was able to manage her stress and build the mental resilience needed for tough days.
Another important lesson Sanford learned was the power of asking for help.
“You can’t do it all on your own,” she says, noting that she had to rely on her family and a close-knit support system.
There were weeks this was essential, like when her son’s first fair as a 4-H member coincided with moving her mom out of her home into assisted living. She also realized the importance of open communication with her husband, Chris.
“I would tell him, ‘I’m only at 10 percent tonight, can you handle the other 90 percent?’” Sanford says.
This vulnerability allowed her to balance her family and business responsibilities without sacrificing her own well-being. She knows that’s tough for most on a farm to admit they can’t do it all, but it’s been essential for their family.
The stress of raising exceptional children: Managing multiple diagnoses
Heather Lifsey, a longtime agricultural advocate and mother of three in North Carolina, is no stranger to the challenges of caregiving. Her oldest son was diagnosed with autism at age 3, her middle son with diabetes at age 3 years old and her youngest is now being evaluated for learning disabilities.
The emotional weight of being a caregiver to exceptional children can feel isolating – and there’s no manual for any of it.
“It was hard when they said out loud my son had autism. You always have hope, but hearing it from a doctor makes it real and changes everything,” Lifsey says.
She found that building a community was essential for managing the overwhelming responsibilities of caregiving. She reached out to support groups like the Autism Society of North Carolina and the Diabetes Association, which helped her connect with others going through similar experiences.
“You can’t do this alone. You have to find people who understand,” Lifsey stresses.
Lifsey also shared how learning to advocate for her children in new ways – like monitoring her son's blood sugar levels – was part of the learning curve that caregivers face. Exercise has been another critical tool for her. She first started working out to lose baby weight, but soon realized it was about more than just physical health.
“Exercise has been the biggest stress reliever for me,” Lifsey says. “It’s not just about the body – it’s about my emotional health. When I miss my workout, I’m edgier and more overwhelmed.”
She prioritizes early morning workouts before her children wake up, understanding that taking time for herself fills her emotional “bucket,” enabling her to care for others.
She’s also learned that therapy and anxiety medication are part of her solution, which has been very tough to accept, but she knows it’s essential and encourages others to consider what they need with an open mind.
The stress of personal health struggles: Navigating illness
A 2024 cancer diagnosis added another layer of caregiving stress to the already busy life of Heim from Rocky Oak Farms in Michigan. At 42, she was diagnosed with Stage 2 colorectal cancer after ignoring symptoms for some time. She underwent 12 rounds of chemotherapy and a major surgery, all while balancing her responsibilities as a mother of two, wife, career and farm business owner. The grueling treatments forced her to learn to ask for and accept help, a lesson that many of us find difficult.
“At first, I didn’t want to ask for help, but when you feel like crap, you just don’t care anymore. Quiet, sleep and support became vital,” Heim says.
Her approach to managing her health challenges involved being kind to herself and adjusting her expectations.
“You’re not going to get everything done. You have to accept that,” Heim says.
She found solace in support groups, both online and in-person, where she could connect with others facing similar health issues.
“The social aspect helped. You’re not alone in this,” she adds.
She also took time to engage in activities she enjoyed, such as spending time outside on her farm.
“Even just walking to the barn made a difference,” Heim says. She’s now in remission and back to enjoying a full life with her family in Michigan.
Coping strategies for caregivers: Finding balance and prioritizing self-care
Whether you're caring for a parent, a child with special needs or managing your own health, there are common threads in the ways Sanford, Lifsey and Heim learned to manage stress more effectively.
- Ask for help. The importance of building a support system cannot be overstated. Whether it’s leaning on family, friends or professional caregivers, asking for help is a critical step to reducing stress and burnout.
- Prioritize self-care. Exercise, relaxation and finding time to engage in activities that nourish your soul are essential for maintaining your well-being. As Sanford learned, self-care isn't selfish – it's necessary for long-term survival in caregiving roles.
- Set boundaries and manage expectations. It’s important to recognize that you can’t do everything. Set realistic expectations for yourself, adjust your business and communicate openly with those around you about what you need.
- Practice mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques. Deep breathing, yoga and getting outside can help manage the daily stress of caregiving. When the pressure builds, these tools can help caregivers stay grounded.
- Accept the seasons of life. As Lifsey points out, seasons change. While caregiving might feel overwhelming now, understanding that it won’t always be this way can offer hope. Take it one step at a time and trust that things will evolve.
Caregiving is an act of love and resilience, but it doesn't come without its toll. The key to managing this lies in finding balance – through community, self-care and the ability to ask for help. The stories of Jackie, Heather and Becky remind us that while caregiving is never easy, it is a journey best navigated with compassion – for others and for ourselves. In the end, it is about finding strength in community, courage in vulnerability and hope in every new day.
