I recently watched a movie that took place on a ranch – and I’m quite curious as to who the consultant was for the show. (We are available, if anyone’s looking …) It took approximately 1 million riders, give or take a few, to gather roughly 10 cows into a corral. The music queued to build tension. Could they get it done? By golly, they did, and you know what? The two main characters fell in love. I know, shocking.
There are such romanticized notions around life on the ranch, especially on television. The cowboy has hard work to do, but as all of you know, it isn’t as glamorous as the screens show. I mean, on TV, you can make a living raising a herd of only 20 cows and have time to save the town hall with a country Christmas dance.
So, to set the record straight, I’m going to share details from our life on the range and the complicated relationships that actually exist.
First, let’s look at what makes a good relationship:
- Healthy communication (words on my part, grunts on his)
- Following through on what one says (or grunts)
- Mutual respect
- Support/trust
- Forgiveness
With this in mind, one current relationship we have is with the feed truck. If you ask it to do one thing, it may do another. I might press the gas pedal to communicate my needs, but I’m completely uncertain as to whether the truck will reciprocate. My speed check consists of hitting frozen manure piles under the snow; you know you’re going too fast if you hit a good pile (there are no shocks or any type of suspension left). I would say there’s a healthy amount of respect both ways, though. I respect the truck and all she pulls through. We could replace her, but she repeatedly goes the extra mile to keep running, even when we’re not sure why she still runs. That’s built a significant amount of support and trust.
One of our love/hate relationships is with our tools. We love tools. Love them. They are necessary and good. They come in handy most of the time. But, when my cowboy asks me to grab the fence stretchers, while I don’t mind one iota, I also know there’s a good reason why, and it likely involves a large herd of elk that have customized the fence. We rely on tools; they support us in all we do, but I likely won’t jump for joy when asked to grab them. It may mean a frustrated cowboy on the other end.
We have an on-again, off-again relationship with our snow blower, but it’s trustworthy when we need it. It works well, throwing snow 15 feet away from its path. It’s powerful, supports us in our work and usually does what it’s supposed to do.
Our animal relationships are ongoing and loving. Our good stock dog unfortunately passed away, but when she was alive, she was good. Usually. As Baxter Black once asked, “Have you ever been embarrassed by your good dog? Yeah, me neither.” Our stock dog was amazing. Her daughter? Afraid of cows. No matter how hard we tried to communicate and teach, she was terrified of anything with a hoof, including sheep and goats. Yep, a stock dog afraid of stock. Sooooo helpful.
Horses are a given in ranch relationships. We have the tried and true and the youngsters. There’s grace for youngsters because everything is new to them, and you must gain their trust. My hubby works hard at this. There’s a lot of forgiveness on both sides when you train a young animal. Forgiveness and healthy communication are key.
The same is true with children. Forgiveness is needed. Our kids are going to do stuff that isn’t exactly in line with what we’d hoped, but that’s often part of how they learn boundaries and love. Like all of these other relationships, they need to know we care. They need to know we will follow through on what we say. And they need to know we are willing to ask forgiveness when we mess up – and extend it when they do. In doing these things, we hopefully model for them how to live.
And as for me and my cowboy, well, I bet we are just like all of you – it’s a great relationship. It’s kind of like having cows: We love them, but there’s still manure. Not everything will be as rosy as those movies show, but I suppose a girl scrubbing manure out of clothing wouldn’t sell.
The movies sell because there’s action, intrigue, delight, and all the things that happen over the course of weeks, months, even years are condensed down into two hours or less. It’s easy to pick out the good parts when you have that kind of time span.
Real relationships can be complicated. Life gets messy. But the more we appreciate each other and the role we each fill, the smoother life on the ranch becomes. I mean, I really appreciate the feed truck – and the cowboy forking off the hay.
