I’ve always thought that the saying “Dog days of summer” came from our dog, who in the heat will be sprawled out under a tree or under the porch where not even the evilest of Amazon delivery trucks can get her to move. But when doing my research into its reference, it’s actually referring to ancient Rome or Greece where the Dog Star would be visible for the months of July, August and September.

I kind of like my version better.

This is also the time of year when all the rural kids look forward to putting their finishing touches on getting their show calves ready to take to the local county fair. Months and months of cajoling, encouraging and dragging a calf around the yard with a halter finally culminates into her developing ringworm the week before the fair. Tack boxes are filled with clippers, halters, shoe polish for ringworm and showing whites. The white pants and shirt are the bane of an already-stressed-out 4-H mother’s existence as they have to trust a 14-year-old boy to not cover his outfit with cow poop and mustard from a deep-fried corn dog.

The show ring is a great place for a child to learn the joys of hard work, patience and how to process the pain of loss or an animal that doesn’t want to listen. Old school Chevy pickups will be driving up blasting the Tim McGraw song “Something Like That.” Post-pubescent boys will be yelling, “I bought a Coke and some gasoline, and I drove out to the county fair. When I saw her for the first time, she was standing there in the ticket line,” while wearing their white T-shirt and looking for girls in mini-skirts. This won’t be the Faber girls as they have strict orders to dress like a 1920s housewife. Results are subject to change, however. 

County and state fairs are also the culinary place that the European mind cannot comprehend. It’s where Americans’ love of all things deep-fried is put to the test. The saying “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should” comes to mind. There is usually a pantheon of culinary options which start out fairly traditionally with burgers, hot dogs, chicken and fries. Then it escalates into trying to deep-fry anything that shows up in the fridge, from pickles and Oreos to butter and s’mores. These heart attack specials should be a once-a-year treat and are usually sponsored by Lipitor. 

The highlight of our county fair is called a Moowich, which is two chocolate chip cookies with a giant slab of ice cream in the middle. Our local dairywomen use this platform to raise money for the dairy princess program and scholarships. The local Tillamook County Fair has an event called Pig N Ford where, since 1925, people have to run and grab a 20-pound pig, crank up their car, drive a lap, release their pig and grab another one and do this three times around the course. This is much to the consternation of PETA, who were offered the gift of perfectly smoked baby back ribs.

The county fair is a throwback to a simpler time where gardeners brought their best produce, bakers their best baked goods and farmers their best animals, all to compete for a coveted blue ribbon and bragging rights for the year. So grab your bottle of Lipitor, your old school pickup and help support local kids and industry.