The Earth recycles naturally. Plants give off oxygen and absorb carbon dioxide. Animals take up oxygen and give off carbon dioxide. Animals eat plants, digest and deposit it as fiber, minerals and nutrients which the plants use to grow. Many examples exist in nature. However, when man steps into the relationship, even for good reason (food, clothing and shelter), he upsets the cycle. He does it knowing there will be consequences. In rural communities where livestock live, we have learned how to handle the huge amounts of “animal waste” that are produced by our cattle and hogs. Farmers have been recycling since Adam discovered that fertilizing his garden made things grow better. It is part of the cycle of nature.

This “spreading of manure” is more difficult in urban housing developments or mall parking lots but, according to Thurman, my authority on the subject, one of his friends has taken on the touchy subject of dogs pooping in their neighbors’ yards.

In defense of the dogs, they are fully aware of the stigma attached to someone who is known for “pooping in his own backyard.” But we have desensitized them. After all, humans and cats now poop in the house!

But … the neighbor doesn’t care about the dog’s stigma or the natural cycle – or the benefit of dog poop (DP) fertilizer for bermudagrass. He’s more concerned about hitting the hidden torpedoes with his lawnmower and spackling the side of his house!

Neighbors’ dogs are a contentious subject. Enter Thurman’s friend, who lives in a gated community where pets are allowed. He discovered a company who will DNA test every dog in the neighborhood. He introduced the idea to the community. It is now a rule that every dog owner inside the development must submit his canine for DNA identification.


The idea being that when a homeowner spots a POP (poop on property), they call the PP (poop patrol) and report a drive-by pooping, officially called a PWP (pooping without permission). The PP arrives in the PPR (poop Prius) and, wearing a Hazmat suit, Playtex gloves and using a specially designed PPU (poop picker-upper), they select a specimen and place it in a PPC (plastic poop container) to take to the laboratory.

The DNA is analyzed and compared to the DNA of canine residents and the guilty owner is punished: $100 fine or two weeks of community service on the PP, in the PPR, responding to PWPs and driving to the scene of the crime where the POP was reported. It seems to be working, despite the occasional bear, coyote or raccoon drive-by NDP (not dog poop) sighting.

I suggested that maybe this technique could be used on other species. “Too expensive for cows,” said Thurman, “And, thanks to the Insane (humane) Society of the U.S. and their ‘unintended consequences,’ the last thing those thousands of citizens abandoning their horses in parks and on farms want … is to be identified as the owner! They prefer to think they are recycling!” PD