The Horse Clinician “Are you teachin’ him a lesson?” she asked, eager to please, As I tried to keep from barfing, my head between my knees.
“You hung on like a wind sock! It just tickled us to death!”
Is she serious? I’m drooling. I can’t hardly catch my breath.
“When you leaned yourself up forward and kissed him ‘tween the ears the whole class just went crazy! I guess you heard the cheers!”
That must be how I broke my nose and split my upper lip
But I guess it looked like kissin’. “I just love your horsemanship.
“The way you tame the savage beast, the techniques that yer usin’.”
When my tailbone hit the cantle, I felt my sphincter loosen.
“You reckon you could show us how you did it once again?
Be nice to get some photos,” What? To show my next of kin.
I guess there goes my living will, I’m a victim of the forces.
The way this looks I might as well go back to shoein’ horses.
“It was really so impressive the way you made him load
At full gallop settin’ backwards from a way on down the road!”
So, that’s how I hit the trailer. Think I lost a pound of flesh.
Thank goodness it was rusty and my tetanus shot was fresh.
“Could you show us that maneuver where you circled like a fan
With nothin’ but your buckle touchin’, holdin’ out both hands!
Now where’d I put my Dramamine, it was here the other day
I’m feelin’ kinda woozy … did Ray Hunt start out this way?
I thought it would be easy to be a horse clinician.
Now it’s gonna take a miracle to explain this exhibition.
How I really was in full control, above the rising panic,
Though I looked like the propeller on the back of the Titanic!
“It’s what I call the daisy,” I modestly explained.
It takes a master trainer to achieve what I’ve attained.
“You should concentrate on basics, skip the fancy stuff,” I warned.
Besides, I thought, any gunsel can accidentally hook his buckle on the horn! PD