By 25, he was an officer in a bank in Phoenix and was on a career track to be rich and cautious someday. Despite her encouragement to find a nice woman, he just never had the time, was too picky or professed no interest.

Sister and Mom discussed his plight endlessly, then one day came up with a great idea to help him find a soulmate.

They contacted! Mother coughed up the $60, nothin’ was too good for her son! She received the list of 1,000 questions required to participate.

I asked if she consulted her son. “Why?” she asked. “I knew everything he would say!”

Our conversation stimulated me to apply to E Hominy Grits for a long-time single, struggling cowboy friend of mine.


I had bought many a beer listening to his whining and griping about women. So I filled out the detailed questionnaire on his behalf. I knew everything he would say!

Here’s a sampling:

• Do you prefer a woman that is tall or short? It depends on whether she’s shining my boots or sitting in front of me in a theater.

• Do you consider yourself an epicurean? No, mostly I’m a Methodist.

• When was the last time you had a tryst with a woman? Not sure … I was in Heber City a while back and this gal made me some scones.

• How do you feel about women who work outside the home? Long as she has company insurance, it’s okay with me.

• Would you decline dating a woman with prison tattoos? If my name was spelt right, it would be fine.

• Do aggressive women turn you off? It depends on whether she is carrying a concealed weapon.

• Have you spent much time around dogs? Well, if you hook me up again, this will be the third time I’ve tried to get a date on this website.

• Do you like horses? Shore I do, but I’m looking for a girl this time.

• What do you consider your strongest feature? Some have said I have beady eyes, a long nose, a pot belly and body odor. So, I’d have to say … body odor.

• What is the highest level of education you’ve achieved? I got halfway through horse shoeing school, so I can only do the front feet!

Back to Cheri and Sister trying to match up their young banker. They carried on e-mail conversations with many female applicants without his knowledge and selected two.

Then eliminated one of them. They found the perfect mate for him … all through the e-mail!

They are now married. The new bride said she was taken in by his uncanny insight into women’s minds. I would say she certainly was!  end_mark