I wrote this in tongue-in-cheek narrative several years ago for a church preparedness fair. It’s kind of silly, but I hope you enjoy the message.

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Yevet Crandell Tenney is a Christian columnist who loves American values and traditions. She writ...

Hi, I am Sally Put-Off-A-Lot. I have a confession to make. Our church preparedness committee asked me to have a skit for this activity, and I said I would, but these last three weeks have been hectic. I mean with the wind and everything, and the shopping and summer break and my schedule being disrupted at every turn. Every single one of my 250 friends contacted me 45 times on Facebook. You know how that is. I had to correct their misguided political views.

I found this script on the internet titled, “Biblical Emergency Preparedness.” Some people can come up with good stuff on the spur of the moment, but I can’t. I didn’t have time to read it. But if it is posted on the internet and has the word Bible in it, it must be good. Well, I don’t follow all those preparedness geeks on YouTube. They show you pictures of their basements, and they are chockablock full of every kind of thing you can imagine. These people even store M&M's because someday they might not be able to get them, and they’d like to be able to share a treat with someone else.

I have my own opinions about storing food for a disaster. We make it a practice to eat out three times a week so the kids can have their favorite treat, and then the rest of the week, I get frozen or canned dinners. It saves me time. I can’t possibly imagine storing 365 TV dinners times five; that’s more than I can figure out on the calculator. Besides, Happy Meals are yucky if you freeze them.

I can’t imagine why preparedness gurus suggest such a thing. I wouldn’t have anywhere to put that much food. Anyway, I don’t believe there is going to be a disaster. Nothing can happen around here. I mean, they have been talking disaster for years. I remember the pandemic thing. Sure, it was bad, but I still went to Walmart. All this economy crashing talk and such is a right-winged conspiracy theory to get people to buy something.


Oops! I got sidetracked. Like I said, I haven’t had time to talk to anyone about getting the skit ready, so I wonder if there would be someone willing to read some parts. I mean, it does not have to be fancy or anything. I mean everyone knows you have not had time to practice. Would you read the angel’s part, Markam? You can read Moses. You, Noah, and you, Joseph who was sold into Egypt. These are easy parts.

I hope you enjoy the show. Oh wait! We didn’t get costumes. Oh well, we will improvise. My actor friend says that is the best kind of acting. Pretend this napkin is your hat. Here’s a cup for you and this knife can be your scepter. Let the play begin.

The angel says, “Noah, here is your commission. The Lord wants you to build an ark and gather two of every kind of animal on the ark. The Lord is going to make it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. The whole Earth will be covered with water.”

Noah wakes up from his nap and says, “Huh? Me? You mean me? Do you have any idea how many different kinds of animals there are? I don’t even know them all. It would take me a lifetime just to name them, let alone find each one and make sure it has a mate. Once I tried to get a donkey into a corral. It took me five hours. Multiply that times ... why, I can’t even think of numbers up that high. The Lord can’t possibly want me to do that. Build an ark? I’m a farmer. I don’t know how to build anything that floats. What is this thing called rain, anyway? There are no disasters in the forecast.” Noah turns over and goes back to sleep.

The angel taps Noah on the shoulder: “Noah, the Lord needs you.” Noah opens one eye, “If it’s that important, somebody else will build an ark, and I’ll be the first to book passage.”

The angel turns to Moses. “Moses, your mission in life is to free the Israelites from Pharaoh. Take them across the wilderness. You will become one of the greatest prophets of all time.”

Moses settles into his hammock. “Me? I really don’t think the Lord wants me to do that. I have a few slaves of my own. They come at my beck and call. I can have food and drink at the snap of my fingers. It wouldn’t be politically correct to free the slaves. The government would frown on such a move. Besides, even if I wanted to free the slaves, can you imagine going on a camping trip in the wilderness with over a million people? That is suicide. I don’t think so. Who would do such a thing? If I play my cards right, I might even become the greatest pharaoh of all time.”

The angel turns to Joseph, who is eating grapes. “Joseph, you were sold into Egypt for a purpose. The Lord visited Pharaoh in a dream. You interpreted his dream.” Joseph smiles and pops a grape into his mouth. “Got me out of that stinky old dungeon.”

The angel shakes a finger at Joseph. “You need to prepare and store food for the seven years of famine. Your family will come to you for assistance, and you will save all Egypt and the lands round about. Rise up, Joseph, and obey the Lord."

Joseph sits up. “Seven years? For how many countries are we talking about? Do you know how much food that is? We don’t even have granaries. Where would we put that much food? That is a big job for one man. If the Lord wants it done, I’m sure he’ll get other countries to pitch in. I’m only one man. Sure, I caught the eye of the Pharaoh by interpreting his dream, but the Lord really can’t mean for me to store that much food. Seven years? How many countries are we talking here? No, no, no, too big a job. I’m much too busy taking care of the affairs of being Pharaoh’s right-hand man.”

The angel cries, “Joseph, your family will starve!”

Joseph leans back on his elbow and yawns. “I guess I could try when I get around to it, but certainly, the Lord can’t expect too much. I have lots of things to do with chariot prices like they are. The price of grain is going up. Even Pharaoh won’t be able to travel if the economy gets any worse."

I grab the script back. Angel, are you sure you are reading that script correctly? I never heard of Joseph saying something like that. This is supposed to be about preparedness. Come on Angel, get the story straight. This is not the way those men were. They were valiant and obedient. They did what they were called to do. I don’t appreciate you making light of the wonderful things they did.

This is a play about preparing and following God. Nothing would have turned out right if those men hadn’t been obedient. The Earth would have perished with Noah. Egypt would still be a world power, and we would have been slaves. If Joseph had not stored food, half the world would have died of starvation; the Twelve Tribes of Israel would be one tribe. It wasn’t easy for them to obey. It was downright hard, but they did it. They lived through the adversity because they loved the Lord and wanted to be obedient no matter how hard it was. They didn’t know how things would turn out in the beginning, but they cared enough to follow the Lord to the end.

Wait a minute. This is a trick. Obedience has nothing to do with taking time to prepare a skit for the church activity. And it certainly doesn’t have anything to do with emergency preparedness. Does it? I’m going to post a thumbs-down on that script. It has nothing to do with the real Bible. I’ll even unsubscribe. I am going to set that website straight on a few things. Just as soon as I get around to it!