I’ll have to pull the calf right here.
But it isn’t raining hard.
It’s just too bad that my slicker
Is still back in the yard.

I taught my horse to ground tie.
Like havin’ an extra man.
Now why did he run off like that?
I really had a plan.

Thank goodness I’ve got a catch rope.
Whoa, darlin’, just lay still ...
You four-footed Double Whopper!
Your next stop is the grill!

Stay outta the blinkin’ cattails!
At least they break the breeze.
For now she’s stuck in the quagmire;
Me, I’m up to my knees.

I’ve got both feet and I’m pullin’.
She’s flat out on her side.
It’s a water-cooled delivery.
He’s comin’ with the tide.


I feel like a scuba diver;
He hangs up at the hip.
I get his head on my shoulder.
It’s hard to keep my grip,

He’s slick as a newborn porpoise.
I heave him on the shore
And plop, right there in the water;
Just glad there ain’t no more.

The cow, relieved of her burden,
Rises outta the crud
And walks the length of my body,
Mashin’ me into the mud.

My hat is the only thing floating.
I’m soaked from head to toe.
The cow is lickin’ her baby
And watchin’ me below.

I wait till he’s up and suckin’,
Then slip out like a mouse.
And thank the Lord that I’m only
Half a mile from the house.  end mark