Being singled out or congratulated for accomplishments can feel good – like salesperson of the year, best pie at the fair or the spelling bee winner. Being singled out for other reasons doesn’t always feel the same. For example, I was flying from Minneapolis to Minot, North Dakota. Tim, why would you fly to North Dakota in the winter? Actually, it was part of my community service hours for my probation. So, I get on the plane. I call it a plane because my ticket said “airlines” on the back. This contraption looked like a spoiler on the back of a minivan. Except they crammed 44 of us in there. Good thing we all had our face diapers on. Otherwise, I would have chipped a tooth on my own knees. We were crammed in there so tight I thought to myself, “This must be how they get milk out of almonds.”
I’ve been on these small planes numerous times in my travels. Inevitably, the pilot always makes the passengers aware of how small the plane is and how important it is for the weight to be distributed correctly on the plane in order for it to get off the ground. Most flights, the captain will ask for a couple volunteers to move from the front to the back of the plane before takeoff. This time was different. The pilot mentioned the need to move some weight to the back of the plane over the intercom. But then he came out of the cockpit and walked directly toward me and told me to move to the back of the plane. I asked, “Don’t you need another person to move as well?” He replied, “Nope, just you. That should be more than sufficient.”
It was literally 12 feet from the front to the back of the plane, so everyone heard our conversation. As I got up and started my walk of shame to the back of the plane, passengers started to thank me and then started to applaud that we could all now get off the ground. It was in this moment of glory I started singing “Eye of the Tiger” from Rocky III. It’s gonna be a great year.
Moffet is a satirical comedian. To learn more about him or book him as entertainment for your next event,
visit Tim the Dairy Farmer.