Well, it’s the one week out of the year that the Christmas lights on my cousin’s double-wide trailer actually make sense. I’m still wondering about the Lazy-Boy recliner and toilet on the front porch. The plastic Santa in the yard has been there so long that the summer sun has bleached him completely white. So, basically, it’s now a snowman. Santa’s reindeer have been scattered around in various places of the yard for target practice. Santa’s sled has been flipped over to make a chicken coop. Say what you will about my cousin, but at least he doesn’t get stressed about decorating for Christmas.
It’s Christmastime. You ever wonder what’s going on in a cow’s mind this time of year? I’m sure the cow is thinking, “Well, normally this guy never talks to me during milking and now he’s singing? How am I supposed to sleep with the blinking lights on the tree out front? I see all these people drinking my milk, but now they’re stumbling and laughing when they walk. There are several deer in the barnyard that haven’t moved a muscle since Thanksgiving. And speaking of Thanksgiving, the turkey and I are loving this Christmas cheer. Nothing makes us happier than hearing the words 'Christmas ham.' Why can’t every day be Christmas?”
Now for a public service announcement.
This new year ahead for me comes with some new opportunities and open doors. So I’m letting y'all know I won’t be writing these Nobel Prize-winning articles for a while. Although I’m sure it’s been discussed as a possibility in more than one meeting, I haven’t been fired or cancelled. I just need to focus on some new projects in my comedy career. I’d like to thank all of you for reading my column over the years. I’ve tried my best to make you chuckle and to ruffle some of your feathers. And I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your comments, stories and critiques. I use some of those comments and stories on stage so, again, thank you. For those of you who have always been critical, now is your time to shine. There’s a job opening here, so let’s see what you got.
If you feel like you're missing me, please feel free to stop by my website, www.timthedairyfarmer.com. You can find a link to my stand-up special MILK’N IT! on YouTube. And you can also find a copy of my new book Corn Cobs & Chaos, which is comprised of 80 of my personal favorite past articles written in Progressive Dairy.
I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and great things for you and your families in the New Year! Keep Milk’n it!
