It has been brought to my attention that dating among farmers has taken a new approach. There are now websites just for single farmers to meet other single farmers. Long gone are the days of being introduced to a potential suitor by a family member.
This new way of meeting people on the computer may seem new and complex to some – but, my friends, trying to meet someone in a small rural community is far more complicated and strategic than any website.
Chances are, in a farm community, when you showed up on a blind date you already knew everything about that person, from where they live, whom they dated and what they already think about you. That’s because there is a network of “chitter-chatter” that started setting up this date you are on weeks ago.
It all started when your granny was getting her “hair did” at the salon. She knows you’re 19 and single. In her eyes, if you don’t commit to someone this week, you will probably never fall in love. So the search begins.
The salon is now “central command.” People are scouring the diner, churches, feed store and even family reunions to find you a potential date. Trust me, these women do their research. There is an extensive background check at the courthouse records department because in a town this small, there is a pretty good chance you could be related to this person.
And Granny would hate for you to meet “the one,” only to have your heart broken over a technicality.
So the “search team” has finally found a potential partner for you. Someone has just moved back to the area, and they have a good job with dental benefits and sing in the church choir. Sorry, we are still weeks away from the main event. This person now has to be interrogated, waterboarded, psychoanalyzed and vaccinated before the final interview with Granny.
A series of tests have been put in place for this person. At the diner, they are offered a free dessert to see if they choose pie over cobbler. In the grocery store, someone drops a $5 bill on the ground to see if this person returns it. At one point, they are even confronted with holding a stranger’s baby.
Specimen A has survived boot camp. Now, the final exam: Granny. Granny “accidentally” bumps into Specimen A at the local tavern during Monday Night Football.
Specimen A has no idea this secret network of bouffant hair-wearing warriors have been probing, testing and even taunting them to make it to this final question that could change their life forever.
So what is Granny’s thought-provoking, Dalai Lama-intelligent, cupid-finding, this-could-mean-the-difference-between-true-love-and-eternal-loneliness question?
Stay tuned next week for our upcoming episode here on “The Love Dr.” …
Hey! Welcome back to the season finale of “The Love Dr.”! Previously on “The Love Dr.” …
Granny was looking for true love for her lonely 19-year-old grandchild. She put together a team of hairdressers, waitresses, volunteers and one rodeo clown to find a potential new face for the group family photo.
Specimen A was tortured and tested for weeks by having to watch re-run episodes of Jeopardy in Spanish to make it here tonight for Granny’s “do not pass go or get out of jail free” question.
Fast Forward ... Fast Forward ... Fast Forward …
And the question is … “Packers or Bears?” PD
Tim is a Florida dairy farmer and stand-up comedian. Have him at your next farm-related event by visiting him at Tim the Dairy Farmer Agricultureal Comedian website.