“How a person takes care of his/her own vehicle tells me a lot about how that person is going to take care of my truck,” he said.
We all have to make judgment calls. The trick is to go about living life without being “judgmental.”
I once had a set of tapes titled, “The History of Country Music.” They started with music and artists of the 1920s and brought the history up through what are currently seen as “golden oldies” of the 1960s and 1970s.
One of the stars told of visiting relatives in Memphis, Tennessee, and while there having the son of the family ask him to come outside and help his friend tune his guitar.
The young boy was not allowed in the house because he lived “on the wrong side of the railroad tracks.” The star showed him how to tune his guitar and then had him tune it himself to be sure he understood what he was doing.
The boy’s name was Elvis Presley. Of course, the rest is history.
A fellow stopped at the only store in a small town and asked directions to a good place to fish.
“What are you fishing for?” asked the storekeeper.
“It don’t matter.”
“Then it don’t much matter which pond around here you drop a hook in.”
If you will be just as happy with catfish and carp, then any drain ditch will do. If bass or rainbow trout are what you would like to catch, then you need to find a spot to sink your hook where these species live.
By the way, I have seen trout caught in a drain ditch, but it is not prudent to bank on “the exception” to the rule.
I’ll admit to reading the “Dear Abby” advice columns. Oftentimes the cause and solution to a problem is a no-brainer. The complaint: My boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife drinks too much. So did the previous one. Where are they meeting these people? In a bar. What are these people thinking?
The next question is do they even listen to the answer “Dear Abby” gives? Generally, that answer is to go fish in a different pond. (For example, “fish” for a significant other at a church social rather than at “happy hour” at the pub.)
About the time I got married, a fellow I was working with told an interesting tale. I was driving ready-mix concrete trucks in the summer while attending college. Most of the other drivers were rather “rough around the edges” to put it mildly.
The story was that this fellow had offered a proposal of marriage to a girl he met in a bordello. She refused to consider it. When he pressed her for a reason, she simply said that she would never be able to trust him.
When I called home to let my parents know that I had found the love of my life, one of the first things Dad asked was what her family was like. I told him that they were pretty much just working stiffs like we were.
Dad was pleased. He told me that he had seen serious problems when a “working stiff” marries a girl whose family has lots of money.
Since this is the month of Valentine’s Day, let me continue with some observations and thoughts pertinent to the season. I have seen some relationship shipwrecks caused by things that seemed to be too obvious from the outside.
How do your parents treat each other? Will the person who makes your heart go “pitter patter” tolerate being treated like your parents treat each other?
And this person whom you have fallen head over heels in love with – how do his/her parents treat each other? Will you like being treated as this set of parents treat each other? And where else do people learn how married people treat each other, than by their own parents?
There are exceptions to the rule, but don’t bank on it. Like the man looking into the personal vehicle of a fellow who was asking him for a job – look into the life of a potential mate deep enough to see how they take care of themselves because it will mirror how well they will take care of you.
There will always be differences. Differences in preference are one of the spices of life. Differences in preference are things like make of car, color of the pick-up, apple pie or cherry pie, etc.
The first time I went to church with Elli she was disappointed that I was not wearing the cowboy boots she had seen me wear every time she had seen me before. (Forty years later, I do not own a pair of dress shoes, only boots. She’s happy; I’m tickled pink.)
Differences in principle will not work. Differences in principle are things like: Do we lie to each other? Do we pay our bills? Do we get to have boyfriends/girlfriends on the side? Etc.
Then there is culture and religion. One young man grew rather fond of a young lady not of his religion. When she realized he could be serious about her, she converted to his religion, mainly to get him to marry her.
Not long after the honeymoon it became obvious that joining his church and living its teachings were two different things. She still wanted to go out drinking and carousing with her friends. The marriage did not last a year.
He confided to his best friend that he thought it would work out, since the mother of his best friend was also a convert to the same church.
The best friend told him that the big difference was that his mom had joined the church before she had met his dad, and that she had joined the church for the church, and not for his dad. That change put her in the pond where his dad was “fishing” for a mate. They met at a church function.
I’ve seen too many relationships turn into shipwrecks. The most heartbreaking part is to see the effect on the children. I will admit that there are situations that require terminating a marriage, but selfishness and pride and pettiness and jealousy are not on the list. It is a sad commentary on the state of our society when marriage partners seem to be changed with no more thought than is given to changing underwear.
I commented to my wife the other evening, as we turned out the light in our bedroom and I held her in my arms, how wonderful it was that we were alone, that there were no “ghosts” in bed with us. I wish everyone could experience that same joy in their relationships. FG
